The Secret to a Lasting Marriage

The Secret to a lasting Marriage

When I was a little girl, my Mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burnt toast in front of my Dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my Dad did was reach for his toast, smile at my Mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that toast and eat every bite!
 

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad,for burning the toast. And I’ll never forget what he said, “Baby I love burnt toast.” Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy goodnight and I asked him if he really liked his toast burnt. He wrapped me up in his arms and said, “Debbie, your momma put in a hard day at work today and she’s real tired. And besides – a little burnt toast never hurt anyone!” In bed that night, I thought about the scene at dinner and the kindness my Daddy showed to my Mom.

To this day, it’s a cherished memory from my childhood that I’ll never forget. And it’s one that came to mind just recently when Jack and I sat down to eat dinner. I had arrived home late, as usual, and decided we would have breakfast food for dinner. Some things never change, I suppose! To my amazement, I found the ingredients I needed and quickly began to cook eggs,turkey, sausage and buttered toast. Thinking I had things under control, I glanced through the mail for the day. It was only a few minutes later that I remembered that I had forgotten to take the toast out of the oven! Now, had it been any other day, I would have started all over. But it was one of those days and I had just used up the last two pieces of bread. So burnt toast it was!

As I set the plate down in front of Jack, I waited for a comment about the toast. But all I got was, “Thank You!” I watched as he ate bite by bite, all the time waiting for some comment about the toast. But instead, all Jack said was, ”Babe , this is great. Thanks for cooking tonight. I know you had a hard day!” As I took a bite of my charred toast that night, I thought about my Mom and Dad — how burnt toast hadn’t been a deal-breaker for them. And was quietly thankful for having a marriage where burnt toast wasn’t a deal-breaker either!

You know life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people. I’m not the best housekeeper or cook. And you might be surprised to find out that Jack isn’t the perfect husband! But, somehow in the past 37 years Jack and I have learned to accept the imperfections in each other. You might say that we’ve learned to love each other for who we really are! We share the same goals. We love the same things. And we still are best friends. We’ve travelled through many valleys and enjoyed many mountain tops. And yet at the same time , Jack and I must work every minute of every day to make this thing called ”marriage” work!

What I’ve learned over the years is that learning to accept each other’s faults- and choosing to celeberate each other’s differences- is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing and lasting marriage relationship. We could extend this to any relationship in fact as understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife relationship or parent -child or friendship.

Dealing with Lifes Problems And chanllenges

Dealing with Lifes Problems

How often have you been living life, happy and content, and then suddenly life slaps you in the face with something unexpected? We all have problems, and the truth of the matter is that problems will never go away. They will just change form.

One time you may be struggling with health, the next with money, and still the next with relationships. That is both the curse and blessing of life.

However, you don't have to suffer because everything isn't perfect in your life.

Behind the Scenes of Problems

Nothing becomes a problem until you label it so. You've probably noticed that different people have different opinions of what problems are, and how much attention should be given to any one thing. This means that problems exist in our heads, and that we create them, define them, and fear them.

The Most Overlooked Secret

The secret to dealing with life's problems is to realize that they are illusions of our imagination. Sure, they feel very real.

Let's say you're driving your car merrily down the highway, until someone cuts you off. You might fly off the handle, or you might not. It will depend on how you perceive the situation. It's an excellent example of how some people create something to complain about where others are completely fine.

Life will always have "problems" and the way to deal with them is to let them be. You don't have to try to analyze, fantasize, or figure out your problems. Let them figure themselves out. The more you try, the more you fuel the problem, and the more miserable you become.

This doesn't mean you stop solving problems. It means you stop the compulsive worrying and fear-mongering inside your head.

How to Stop the Compulsive Worrying

You can stop the madness by simply staying present, and letting whatever happens be. This can be extremely hard if you bump into a problem that is important to you, but it is through those big problems that the biggest changes occur.

Why is Life so Hard?

Life can seem tough from time to time, but it is through those tough times that you grow as a human being. It's uncomfortable, but that's life.

It's a rollercoaster with both highs and lows, which we all have to live through, so you might as well learn how to deal with the lows. The more comfortable you become with life's problems, the more you'll enjoy life's gifts.

Conclusion

Life is what it is, and most of life's problems are created by us. The problems are events in our life, no one is denying that, but the extrapolation that we do freaks us out, and then we wonder why we feel so bad.

It's a life-long habit most of us have cultivated, which means we can change it. But change starts with awareness. Be kind to yourself, and enjoy both the highs and the lows.

Putting Yourself First!

Putting Yourself First!

"Love yourself enough to say no to others' demands on your time and energy. Step back & reassess the situation" - Goddess Guidance

Once you have your mask on things get really exciting on the path. You are then able to help others, by put their masks on for them. You can guide other to the path; you can become their oxygen line. You can begin to bring them peace. No longer are you seen as selfish, your true nature is seen as a selfless, giving person.

So, what are your best interests? How do you base your actions, your goals, your time-management and your life on them - and how will this affect the people around you? We would suggest that acting consistently in your own best interests involves four areas:

• Meeting your physical needs, such as getting enough sleep and exercise

• Meeting your emotional needs, such as asking for support when you need it

• Meeting your mental needs, such as having a stimulating job

• Meeting your spiritual needs, such as taking time to meditate or pray

Physical needs

If you're regularly exhausted because you never take time to eat a proper meal, get a good night's sleep, or get some exercise, then start making these things an absolute priority.

Do you stay up late with your spouse, watching TV while slumped on the sofa half-asleep, because you think your partner will be offended if you go to bed alone? Do you have no time for your own breakfast because you're too busy preparing lunchboxes for your children?

Being well-rested, and taking care of your health, means that you'll have the energy you need to help those around you. If you feel constantly exhausted, you're likely to snap at your loved ones when you least mean to.

Emotional needs

Some of us end up being the "support system" to whom friends and family come to with problems. It's a great privilege to be known as a good listener, but sometimes it's hard when you feel you need support - but you're worried about burdening people.

Ask a good friend or a relative if you can have a chat with them. Explain that you're going through a difficult time, and it would help to have someone to talk to. They'll be more than glad to help, especially if it means they can return a favor that you've provided for them in the past.

If you don't reach out to other people when you're feeling sad, angry, low or lonely, you can end up turning to unhealthy sources of comfort. Whether it's supersized bars of candy, a bottle of vodka, or drugs, all of these will eventually be damaging to you and to those around you.

Mental needs

We all need to feel challenged and stimulated by our daily life. If you never learn anything new, never push yourself to think a bit harder, or never do anything that tests your limits - you'll probably end up feeling that life lacks meaning.

On the flip side, if you're completely out of your depth with a particular area of studying or work, you're unlikely to be unhappy, stressed and anxious.

Spiritual needs

When life is busy, it's hard to take time for things which feel unproductive - like attending a religious service, meditating, taking a long bath, or praying. You might feel guilty about "sitting there doing nothing" if you're engaged in one of these activities.

But it's crucially important for us to find space and distance from day-to-day life, in order to take a fresh look at things. Some great thinkers have flashes of inspiration in the bath (Archimedes' Eureka moment comes to mind...). I'm sure that you've had your own experience that sometimes the solution to a tricky problem, or a new insight on life, comes when you're just relaxing.

Letting yourself take the time you need, without feeling guilty, means that you'll be able to support your family and friends with your perspective on problems or situations that they might be in. You'll be in a better state to not only cope with, but excel in, your own life.

Conclusion:

To help others, you must help yourself first. If you try to help others initially, you will both remain unconscious and will not be able to guide them to the path. Sometimes what appears to the unskilled eye as a selfish gesture is really the most selfless gesture there is.

Rick and Dick Hoyt: Team Hoyt

Rick and Dick Hoyt: Team Hoyt

The inspiring story of Rick and Dick Hoyt (Team Hoyt) was originally published in Sports Illustrated. After reading this incredibly moving story of transformation between a father and his son, don't miss the four-minute video of this amazing love story available here. May we all find inspiration both within and outside of ourselves every day to be the very best we can be.

Strongest Dad in the World
Rick Reilly for Sports Illustrated

I try to be a good father. Give my kids mulligans. Work nights to pay for their text messaging. Take them to swimsuit shoots.

But compared with Dick Hoyt, I suck.

Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in marathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars – all in the same day.

Dick's also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his back mountain climbing and once hauled him across the U.S. on a bike. Makes taking your son bowling look a little lame, right?

And what has Rick done for his father? Not much – except save his life.

This love story began in Winchester, Mass., 43 years ago, when Rick was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs.

"He'll be a vegetable the rest of his life," Dick says doctors told him and his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. "Put him in an institution."

But the Hoyts weren't buying it. They noticed the way Rick's eyes followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was anything to help the boy communicate. "No way," Dick says he was told. "There's nothing going on in his brain."

"Tell him a joke," Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out a lot was going on in his brain.

Rigged up with a computer that allowed him to control the cursor by touching a switch with the side of his head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? "Go Bruins!" And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the school organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out, "Dad, I want to do that."

Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described "porker" who never ran more than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he tried. "Then it was me who was handicapped," Dick says. "I was sore for two weeks."

That day changed Rick's life. "Dad," he typed, "when we were running, it felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!"

And that sentence changed Dick's life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. He got into such hard-belly shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon.

"No way," Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren't quite a single runner, and they weren't quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few years Dick and Rick just joined the massive field and ran anyway. Then they found a way to get into the race officially: In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the qualifying time for Boston the following year.

Then somebody said, "Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?"

How's a guy who never learned to swim and hadn't ridden a bike since he was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon? Still, Dick tried.

Now they've done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hour Ironmans in Hawaii. It must be a buzzkill to be a 25-year-old stud getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don't you think?

Hey, Dick, why not see how you'd do on your own? "No way," he says. Dick does it purely for "the awesome feeling" he gets seeing Rick with a cantaloupe smile as they run, swim and ride together.

This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston Marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters. Their best time? Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992 – only 35 minutes off the world record, which, in case you don't keep track of these things, happens to be held by a guy who was not pushing another man in a wheelchair at the time.

"No question about it," Rick types. "My dad is the Father of the Century."

And Dick got something else out of all this too. Two years ago he had a mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of his arteries was 95% clogged. "If you hadn't been in such great shape," one doctor told him, "you probably would've died 15 years ago."

So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other's life.

Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston, and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland, Mass., always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some backbreaking race every weekend, including this Father's Day.

That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy. "The thing I'd most like," Rick types, "is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once."